By C.W: [emotional trigger]
As Father’s Day approaches, there is a lot of talk about how special this relationship is and what one can do to make their dad feel special. However amongst the many people who are looking forward to celebrating this day, there are others who aren’t as excited; I happen to be one of those people.
As someone who doesn’t have a great relationship with their dad, it’s a little uncomfortable for me when Father’s Day rolls around. There’s nothing wrong with dedicating a day to celebrate fathers, and in a lot of ways I envy people who are really close to their dads because I do sometimes wish I could have the same kind of relationship with mine – stable, healthy and non-toxic.
Growing up, I never got the chance to spend a lot of time with my dad. I never got to do all the cool fun activities that you’re supposed to do like learning how to ride a bike with him, or getting picked up from school at the end of the day and going for ice cream. I know these are cliched examples, but not being able to have them makes me feel like I missed out. Instead, I remember watching other kids as they did all of these things with their dads and wished I could do the same. After a while though, I accepted it.
While it was hard not having my dad around, it wasn’t all that bad. I had my mom and having her felt like enough most of the time. However, I wasn’t aware of how comfortable I would get with the idea of having just my mom around. And so, the first year that I had to live with my dad after not having lived with him for fourteen years, it was strange, awkward and uncomfortable for me – it would be an understatement to say I had trouble warming up to the idea of him.
Our relationship to this day is very problematic, especially for me because although I have never been someone who dwells on the past too much or spends too much time thinking about what has already been done, that’s all I can do when it comes to my dad. It’s especially hard for me because there is no emotional connection or attachment that I feel towards him and so I constantly have to remind myself to not let my resentment of the past get the best of me.
There’s a lot of other things that contribute to the differences that my dad and I have and why our relationship is the way it is. But it definitely isn’t your average father-daughter relationship which is primarily the reason for my hesitation towards Father’s Day and why I am not able to relate to people who have healthy relationships with their fathers. Being close to your father sounds like such a foreign concept to me and hearing people talk about it only makes me feel alienated.
If you’re like me and aren’t celebrating Father’s Day for whatever reason, I am here to tell you that that’s okay. And while the gift card industry might like you to believe otherwise, there really is no compulsion to celebrate every occasion. Do what feels right to you; if you have an amazing bond with your father and want to celebrate it, go ahead! But if you’re like me and haven’t had the chance to explore your relationship with your father, it’s okay to let this day go. That’s what I am choosing to do.
And for those of you who aren’t able to spend Father’s Day with your dads, grandfathers or other father-like figures, despite having shared an amazing bond with them, my heart goes out to you. I hope you’re able to see them soon. If you know someone who might be struggling with this day in any way, make sure to check up on them and if not anything else, try to lend a listening ear – it might just be all they need.
What do you think?
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