By In 2016, the number of people estimated to be suffering from mental health issues like depression and anxiety amounted to roughly 1.1 billion. Since then, numbers have likely continued to rise. Moreover, studies have also shown women especially on average are a) more likely to suffer from mental health issues, and b) less likely to talk about them. The taboo in Pakistan surrounding depression and anxiety disorders only serve to aggravate the individuals suffering even more. For the women who cannot seek out full time therapy, we’ve enlisted the help of a trained therapist. You sent us in your questions – here are the answers!
‘I’m about to get married and move to a different country, but I’m really apprehensive about the move. Marriage itself is an adjustment, but how will I settle into the new place? It’s also hard for me to make friends and I don’t want my life to be all about my husband. What can I do to fit in and actually make a life somewhere new?’
Shahrukh’s Response:
Dear Anon,
As you said, marriage in itself is such an adjustment, adding a move to a different country, and that only adds more onto the transitional process. There’s a lot that might be happening for you during this time, and it’s okay to allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling right now; whether it’s doubt, fear, anxiety, excitement, happiness or whatever else is coming up for you. When it comes to adjusting to a new place, there are several things you can do to help yourself feel more adjusted to the place. Let’s explore this further and see what can be done.
Adjusting To A New Place: A Guide
Moving to a new country can be very daunting; whether it’s temporarily or permanently, it still is a long-term change in one’s environment. When it comes to moving during your university years, you tend to have a point of daily social contact, and that can be a solace when it comes to building connections. However, moving to a new country during your adult life can be something entirely different. You might not have a regular source of social interaction, so it may require you to create different avenues for yourself in order to build new connections. Let’s explore different ways where you can begin to make a life for yourself in this new place, and also connect with others around you.
Firstly, get settled: before you can think about expanding your circle, you first need to find your own footing in this new place. Take some time with yourself and your husband and get settled in the relationship, set up your new home, explore the city together, and do whatever you need to do to feel more settled in this new city. Considering the fact that you are both recently married, you would also need to take the time to get used to one another.
Find mutual friends: sometimes when you move to a new place, you might be able to create connections beforehand. A friend of a friend, or a distant relative, or even an old friend who you haven’t spoken to for a long time. This could be one way of gaining a little more familiarity in a city that’s otherwise completely foreign.
Learn the language spoken in this new country (if applicable): if you’re moving to a country where the language spoken is unfamiliar to you, a great way to connect with other foreigners would be through language classes.
Get to know your neighbours: whether you live in a house or an apartment, you can always extend an invitation to your neighbours to get to know them. This would help you create a support system close by.
Explore things you can do for yourself: I’m not fully aware of what your plans are for the new city, but if you don’t have any as yet, you can always consider working, taking up a few classes, or just exploring some old passions. By taking classes or working, you can begin interacting with others on a regular basis. This could be through an art class, learning a new language, yoga class, an exercise class etc. This may involve you putting yourself a little outside your comfort zone, but take it one day and a time and see what it would be like for you.
Join online local groups: navigating through a new city can be tough, so it might be helpful to find local communities online where you can introduce yourself, maybe finding a Pakistani community within the city might also be helpful, especially if you’re feeling homesick.
It Takes Time, So Don’t Rush Yourself
Adjusting to a new place can take its time, Anon. So, if you find that things are not happening as quickly as you had hoped or planned, it’s okay. You might need to pace yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. As stated before, take time to sort out whatever it is that you’re feeling and experiencing, taking things one day at a time. It can be a while before you feel that you’ve completely adjusted, or when you feel that this new, foreign place is now your new home. It’ll happen one day, you just need to trust the process.
I really hope that this article was helpful to you. I wish you all the best on your journey, Anon. Good luck and stay in your power!
The above article is written by Shahrukh Shahbaz Malik who is trained in humanistic integrative counselling at CPDD in the UK and currently has her own private practice in Karachi. The views expressed in this article are those of one expert. They do not necessarily represent the views of Mashion, nor do they represent the complete picture of the topic at hand. This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical diagnosis, treatment or therapy.
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