Ask The Therapist: ” My whole wedding is postponed because of COVID-19…how can I come to terms with this?”

In 2016, the number of people estimated to be suffering from mental health issues like depression and anxiety amounted to roughly 1.1 billion. Since then, numbers have likely continued to rise. Moreover, studies have also shown women especially on average are a) more likely to suffer from mental health issues, and b) less likely to talk about them. The taboo in Pakistan surrounding depression and anxiety disorders only serve to aggravate the individuals suffering even more. For the women who cannot seek out full time therapy, we’ve enlisted the help of a trained therapist. You sent us in your questions – here are the answers!

Shahrukh’s Response

Dear Anon,

I can only imagine how difficult it must’ve been to make a decision like that. As you said, many others are in the same position, and we continue to live in a world where planning seems to be extremely redundant. That being said, while the rational part of your brain will be able to understand the reasoning behind it, you are also allowed to be upset. At the end of the day, having to postpone a life event as big as a wedding can come with all kinds of feelings, and they are completely valid. As this time of pandemic-related uncertainty continues, let’s dive further into this and see how you can take care of yourself, and explore ways to help navigate through whatever you’re experiencing. 

Living With COVID-Related Uncertainty

It’s been nearly two years since the pandemic hit, and our lives as we’ve known them, changed in ways we couldn’t have really imagined. Cities under lockdown, social interactions minimised to virtual meetings and audio calls, weddings and graduations postponed indefinitely, and so on. As humans, we all require some level of certainty in our lives, some guarantees and the feeling of being safe and secure. With the pandemic being something that was so well beyond our control, it began to impact that certainty and emotional safety. While things have gotten a little better with the introduction of vaccines, and dips in the number of cases, there are still instances where cases might rise again, and people are either required to adjust their plans due laws and restrictions placed on them by their respective state/country, or make the decision to delay plans as an act of social responsibility. Either way, having to change your plans, regardless of the reason, can be challenging for anyone.

• It’s okay to be upset: when you’ve invested so much time and effort into planning something, and it’s an event you’re really looking forward to, having to make the decision to delay it due to reasons beyond your control can be extremely painful. You may find yourself thinking: I’m overreacting, people go through worse, so many others are going through this etc., dismissing your own emotions. However, I’m here to tell you that your pain is completely valid. If you need to cry and scream, and be angry, do it. Allow yourself to feel those emotions organically, because whether they are rational or not, they ARE your feelings. So rather than looking for the “why” of it, let yourself experience “what” it is you’re feeling, without judgement or interjections from your logic. You are allowed to not be rational, it’s part of being human.
• Do what needs to be done in terms of logistics related to the wedding: whether it’s speaking to the caterers, choreographers, event planners – speak to whoever is involved in the planning process and explaining the situation with them. Getting this out of the way might ease some of the anxiety you might be feeling about the process of postponing the wedding. 
• Speak to someone who might be experiencing the same thing as you: as you said, Anon, you’re not alone in this, and while it may not take away the painful emotions you might be experiencing, it may help to know that there is someone else out there who understands what you are going through. You feel a sense of community and kinship, and as they say, there is a sense of safety in numbers. 
• Reach out to loved ones for support: seek out the support of friends and family during this difficult time, preferably those who will let you experience your grief and validate your emotions, rather than justify them and rationalise the situation. 
• Give it time: processing something like this could take some time. Might be a few days, a few weeks, however long you need. Others around you may not understand, and they may tell you to “get over it”. Just remind yourself that this is your journey, and these are your feelings, so let your feelings flow and let things happen organically. In the meantime, let yourself also focus on things that are within your control, and surrender your power over when it comes to things you don’t have any control over. 

Anon, you are not alone. I know it’s a difficult time, and while things might get better over time, it’s okay if they’re not okay right now. Be kind to yourself and stay mindful of any judgements you may be making towards your feelings, and remind yourself that your experience and your emotions are completely valid. I wish you all the best on your journey and healing. Best of luck and stay in your power!

The above article is written by Shahrukh Shahbaz Malik who is trained in humanistic integrative counselling at CPDD in the UK and currently has her own private practice in Karachi. The views expressed in this article are those of one expert. They do not necessarily represent the views of Mashion, nor do they represent the complete picture of the topic at hand. This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical diagnosis, treatment or therapy.