Ask Mr. X: “I was recently told that the man I’ve been with for 2.5 years is betraying me. I am shattered. I can’t move. I can’t process how someone could do this to me.”

Ever wanted advice on your relationship from that cool guy friend who has all the answers? Well, Mr. X is that friend for you. Every other week, he’s going to answer the questions you send him and if there’s one thing you can count on him for, it’s being honest. So go ahead, ask Mr. X

“I am a 30-year-old female. Unmarried yet earning well. There’s this guy in my office who is 3.5 years younger than me, earning half of me and was interested in me 2.5 years back. During COVID we started talking and have been together for two years now.

 What’s bothering me is that I had a friend (let’s call her Sara) who started talking to this boy (let’s call him Umair). When Sara started talking to him, she didn’t know Umair and I are in relationship. I got upset at Umair, and he told Sara that Iqra is getting angry at us for talking. Sara got angry at me as I accused them to be in a relationship and she blocked Umair right away. Later I observed them staring at each other like they both are interested in each other. I didn’t do anything as I thought I might be exaggerating the situation. Sara and I have a mutual friend (let’s call her Sophie). Sophie knew Umair and I are good friends, but she didn’t know we are in a relationship (even if she knew she never confronted me). Sophie tried to manipulate me and ask me what is going on between me and Umair, but I still didn’t tell her about our relationship. One night I saw Umair online on WhatsApp from 12am-2am, and coincidently Sara was also online during this time. I asked Sara if she’s still talking to Umair, which she denied and said, “I have so many other boys, why should I chase the one you have?” I confronted Umair and he denied it too. 

 Sophie is married but people used to talk behind her back and accuse her of having an affair. Even Umair asked me multiple times about what is going on between Sophie and his male friend. Sophie and Umair never liked each other as Umair thought Sophie is betraying her husband and children and is morally bad. On the other hand, Sophie never liked Umair as she thought he lacks manners and is very nosey.

 Sophie got a good opportunity and Umair got to know she is leaving office, so he apologized to her for all the ill he talked about her. He asked Sophie not to mention this to me. Sophie asked Umair if I told him about all the ill Sophie told me about Umair. He said yes. Sophie apologized for that and started manipulating him, saying that I bad-mouthed him to her and Sara (I never talked ill about Umair. I discussed a few of our fights with Sara but never Sophie). Like this Sophie turned Umair against me and he started avoiding me and started talking to Sophie regarding how to deal with me or get rid of me. All three ganged up on me. Sara and Sophie stopped talking to me, but I thought Umair is still sincere to me. After 2 weeks Sophie told me that Umair is betraying me. I was shattered, I couldn’t move. I couldn’t process how someone could do this. I was not interested in him. He was the one who approached me and now that I have feelings for him, he is doing all this to me.”

Hmm…Interesting. Reading this just makes me think, isn’t it sad that there are so many manipulative, judgmental people in the world? Sophie was judged for her apparent affair (innocent until proven guilty), Sara was attacked, you were attacked. And strange, now that I pen this down, I realize that we somehow only target women. Even women target women. The ill-mannered man, who is cheating on you – when was judgement passed on him? When did any of them stop speaking to him because of his poor morals?

Just something to think about.

I’ll move on to the topic at hand now. It never feels good to be cheated on, you question your self-worth, your self-esteem and ego takes a beating. It never feels good, and only time, a strong support system, diverting your attention on other things and processing helps you get over it.

There are men in this world who cheat out of desire or habit, but there are also good men in this world, who refrain from cheating. Sometimes give into it, when there is space in their relationship, when they are feeling isolated from their partner – and it doesn’t make it okay, but it certainly makes it easier to understand where they faltered as opposed to someone who exhibits narcissistic, selfish personality traits. Frankly, your man seems to be from the first category, but I don’t know him well enough to say that for certain. But yes, it does seem like that. And if you ask me, I would say you dodged a bullet.

My advice to you, good riddance. It’s never going to make sense to you, but what is important to remember is you don’t need this man in your life, and nor should you want him. He has done nothing but cause problems. And another thing, once trust has been broken, it’s not so easy for it to come back. Even if you were to get back with him, do you think you’d be happy second guessing everything he says to you? No, you’ll drive yourself crazy.

My advice in a nutshell: Let it go and move on. He’s not worth it, none of them are (Sara and Sophie included). Think of this as God’s way of protecting you.

Godspeed

X

To send in your questions for Mr.X, email support@ysdemos.com with the subject ‘Question for Mr.X’. Don’t worry – you will remain anonymous!